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Archive for September 1st, 2008

Look Upon them As Wounded

Posted by kathavarta on September 1, 2008

Susan Muto, in her book BLESSINGS THAT MAKE US BE (Crossroad, 1982), tells a story of a great ruler who needed a second-in-command to help manage his kingdom.

When he finally selected the right person, he took him outside onto a balcony of the palace where they could gaze over all the lands under his jurisdiction.

His assistant asked the king, “Master, what must I remember most of all if I am to carry out your wishes?”

“My son,” the king replied, “there is only one directive to follow — and
that is to look upon the people as wounded.”

The wise king knew that everyone is in pain in some way.

Wounds may not show, but they are there. And those people we find particularly difficult to relate to may actually be hurting the most.

Discover where people hurt, and you’ll finally understand them. Learn where the invisible bandages are and you’ll know how to help, heal or reach them.

It makes for good leadership.

But just as important, it makes for great friendship.
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Real Pain

Posted by kathavarta on September 1, 2008

After vaccinating a young boy with an injection in the arm, a doctor wanted to stick on a bandage.

“Please put it on the other arm,” the boy pleaded.

“Why do that?” the doctor asked. “This will let everyone know you have been vaccinated and they won’t hit your sore arm.”

“Please put it on my other arm! Please!” the boy begged. “You don’t know the kids at my school.”

He couldn’t show his weakness. He was afraid to let others know of his vulnerability for fear of being hurt more than he was already.

Adults, too, are pretty good at hiding pain. Not usually physical pain, but the pain of loss or rejection or fear. They like to appear as if they are in control; they can handle whatever life throws at them; they’re on top of it.

And too often… they end up going it alone. No one understands. No one is there to help.
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The Cave People

Posted by kathavarta on September 1, 2008

Long ago, or maybe not so long ago, there was a tribe in a dark, cold cavern. The cave dwellers would huddle together and cry against the chill. Loud and long they wailed. It was all they did. It was all they knew to do. The sounds in the cave were mournful, but the people didn’t know it, for they had never known joy.

The spirit in the cave was death, but the people didn’t know it, for they had never known life.

But then, one day, they heard a different voice. “I have heard your cries,” it announced. “I have felt your chill and seen your darkness. I have come to help.”

The cave people grew quiet. They had never heard this voice. hope sounded strange to their ears. “How can we know you have come to help?”

“Trust me,” he answered. “I have what you need.”

The cave people peered through the darkness at the figure of the stranger. He was stacking something, then stooping and stacking more.

“What are you doing?” one cried, nervously.

The stranger didn’t answer.

“What are you making?” one shouted even louder.

Still no response.

“Tell us!” demanded a third.

The visitor stood and spoke in the direction of the voices. “I have what you need.

” With that he turned to the pile at his feet and lit it. Wood ignited, flames erupted, and light filled the cavern.

The cave people turned away in fear. “Put it out!” they cried. “It hurts to see it.”

“Light always hurts before it helps,” he answered. “Step closer. The pain will soon pass.”

“Not I,” declared a voice.

“Nor I,” agreed a second.

“Only a fool would risk exposing his eyes to such light.”

The stranger stood next to the fire. “Would you prefer the darkness? Would
you prefer the cold? Don’t consult your fears. Take a step of faith”

For a long time no one spoke. The people hovered in groups covering their
eyes. The fire builder stood next to the fire.

“It’s warm here,” he invited.

“He’s right,” one from behind him announced. “It’s warmer.” The stranger turned and saw a figure slowly stepping toward the fire.

“I can open my eyes now,” she proclaimed. “I can see.”

“Come closer,” invited the fire builder.

She did. She stepped into the ring of light. “It’s so warm!” she extended her hands and sighed as her chill began to pass.

“Come, everyone! Feel the warmth,” she invited.

“Silence, woman!” cried one of the cave dwellers. “Dare you lead us into your
folly? Leave us. Leave us and take your light with you.”

She turned to the stranger. “Why won’t they come?”

“They choose the chill, for though it’s cold, it’s what they know. They’d rather be cold than change.”

“And live in the dark?”

“And live in the dark.”

The now-warm woman stood silent. Looking first at the dark, then at the man.
“Will you leave the fire?” he asked.

She paused, then answered, “I cannot. I cannot bear the cold.” Then she spoke again. “But nor can I bear the thought of my people in darkness.”

“You don’t have to,” he responded, reaching into the fire and removing a
stick.

“Carry this to your people. Tell them the light is here, and the light is warm. Tell them the light is for all who desire it.”

And so she took the small flame and stepped into the shadows.
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The smile

Posted by kathavarta on September 1, 2008

Many Americans are familiar with The Little Prince, a wonderful book by Antoine de Saint-Exupery. This is a whimsical and fabulous book and works as a children’s story as well as a thought-provoking adult fable.

Far fewer are aware of Saint Exupery’s other writings, novels and short stories.

Saint Exupery was a fighter pilot who fought against the Nazis and was killed in action. Before World War II, he fought in the Spanish Civil War against the fascists. He wrote a fascinating story based on that experience entitled The Smile (Le Sourire).

It is this story which I’d like to share with you now. It isn’t clear whether or not he meant this to be autobiographical or fiction. I choose to believe it to be the former.

He said that he was captured by the enemy and thrown into a jail cell. He was sure that from the contemptuous looks and rough treatment he received from his jailers he would be executed the next day.

From here, I’ll tell the story as I remember it in my own words.

“I was sure that I was to be killed. I became terribly nervous and distraught. I fumbled in my pockets to see if there were any cigarettes which had escaped their search. I found one and because of my shaking hands, I could barely get it to my lips. But I had no matches, they had taken those.”

“I looked through the bars at my jailer. He did not make eye contact with me. After all, one does not make eye contact with a thing, a corpse. I called out to him ‘Have you got a light, por favor?’ He looked at me, shrugged and came over to light my cigarette.”

As he came close and lit the match, his eyes inadvertently locked with mine. At that moment, I smiled. I don’t know why I did that. Perhaps it was nervousness, perhaps it was because, when you get very close, one to another, it is very hard not to smile. In any case, I smiled.

In that instant, it was as though a spark jumped across the gap between our two hearts, our two human souls. I know he didn’t want to, but my smile leaped through the bars and generated a smile on his lips, too. He lit my cigarette but stayed near, looking at me directly in the eyes and continuing to smile. “I kept smiling at him, now aware of him as a person and not just a jailer. And his looking at me seemed to have a new dimension, too.

‘Do you have kids?’ he asked.

‘Yes, here, here.’ I took out my wallet and nervously fumbled for the pictures of my family. He, too, took out the pictures of his ninos and began to talk about his plans and hopes for them. My eyes filled with tears. I said that I feared that I’d never see my family again, never have the chance to see them grow up. Tears came to his eyes, too.

Suddenly, without another word, he unlocked my cell and silently led me out. Out of the jail, quietly and by back routes, out of the town. There, at the edge of town, he released me. And without another word, he turned back toward the town.

“My life was saved by a smile.” Yes, the smile – the unaffected, unplanned natural connection between people.

I tell this story in my work because I’d like people to consider that underneath all the layers we construct to protect ourselves, our dignity, our titles, our degrees, our status and our need to be seen in certain ways – underneath all that, remains the authentic, essential self. I’m not afraid to
call it the soul.

I really believe that if that part of you and that part of me could recognize each other, we wouldn’t be enemies. We couldn’t have hate or envy or fear. I sadly conclude that all those other layers, which we so carefully construct through our lives, distance and insulate us from truly
contacting others.

Saint Exupery’s story speaks of that magic moment when two souls recognize each other. I’ve had just a few moments like that. Falling in love is one example.

And looking at a baby.

Why do we smile when we see a baby?

Perhaps it’s because we see someone without all the defensive layers, someone whose smile for us we know to be fully genuine and without guile. And that baby-soul in side us smiles wistfully in recognition.
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