Archive for October 9th, 2008
Posted by kathavarta on October 9, 2008
On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy.
Telugu Guy: “Hello, May I know your name please?”
James Bond: “My name is Bond” Continuing in his inimitable style, “……James Bond.”
Then Bond asks: “And you?”
Telugu Guy: “My name is Rao…
Siva Rao…
Samba Siva Rao…
Venkata Samba Siva Rao…
Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…
Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…
Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…
Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao…”
Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says “James Bond”
Posted in Funny Story, Moral story, Story for Adult, Varta | Tagged: Acceptance, Act, Adult, Advice, Alert, Care, Challenge, Companion, Confidence, Counsel, Education, Genius, Humour, Indian, Knowledge, Perfection, Punishment, Story for Adult, Think, Varta, Wisdom | 1 Comment »
Posted by kathavarta on October 9, 2008
A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, “If you can catch me, you can have me.”
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, “If you catch me you can have me.”
Well, he’s out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.
“Are you sure?” asks the representative on the phone. “This is our most rigorous program.”
“Absolutely,” he replies, “I haven’t felt this good in years.”
The next day there’s a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,”If I catch you, you are mine!!!”
He lost 63 pounds that week.
From: www.onlyfunnystories.com
Posted in Funny Story, Moral story, Story for Adult, Varta | Tagged: Acceptance, Accuracy, Act, Advice, Alert, Attitude, Choice, Counsel, Courage, Determination, Experience, Greedy, Help, Humour, Idiot, Lesson, Perfection, Story for Adult, Think, Varta, Wisdom, Wit | Leave a Comment »
Posted by kathavarta on October 9, 2008
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
“Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. “
After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.
Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
From: www.onlyfunnystories.com
Posted in Funny Story, Moral story, Story for Adult | Tagged: Accuracy, Act, Adult, Advice, Alert, Attitude, Choice, Clever, Common sense, Confusion, Decision, Experience, Humour, Idiot, Man, Moral, Story for Adult, Varta, Wisdom, Wit, Woman | Leave a Comment »
Posted by kathavarta on October 9, 2008
There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, “Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife.”
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said “Wait just a minute!”
She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, “I hope you weren’t crazy enough to put all that money in the casket.”
“Yes,” the wife said, “I promised. I’m a good Christian, I can’t lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”
“You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?”
“I sure did. I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check.”
From: www.onlyfunnystories.com
Posted in Funny Story, Story for Adult, Varta | Tagged: Accuracy, Act, Adult, Advice, Affection, Care, Cheat, Choice, Clever, Death, Devotion, Enlightenment, Faith, Humour, Lie, Love, Loyal, Story for Adult, Varta, Wife | Leave a Comment »
Posted by kathavarta on October 9, 2008
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into the water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, “No.”
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.”
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, “Yes.”
The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”
“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!”
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. “Is this your wife?” the Lord asked.
“Yes,” cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”
The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Jennifer Lopez, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said ‘no’ to her, You would have come up with my wife. Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given all three to me.
Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT’S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez.”
Moral:
Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.
Posted in Funny Story, Moral story, Story for Adult, Varta | Tagged: Acceptance, Accuracy, Act, Adult, Advice, Alert, Cheat, Clever, Confession, Decision, Education, God, Honesty, Humour, Lie, Man, Relationship, Story for Adult, Varta, Wisdom, Wit | Leave a Comment »
Posted by kathavarta on October 9, 2008
A man checked into a hotel, with a computer in his room. So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile…..somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Reached
Date: 30 May 2004
I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I’ve just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
Your dearest hubby
XXXX
By: Deepak Verma, for www.whereincity.com
Posted in Funny Story, Story for Adult, Varta | Tagged: Accuracy, Act, Adult, Advice, Alert, Care, Common sense, Counsel, Death, Destiny, Education, Experience, Foolish, Humour, Lesson, Story for Adult, Think, Varta, Wife, Wit | 1 Comment »
