Archive for October 11th, 2008
Posted by kathavarta on October 11, 2008
He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.
He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.
At 60 off came the pants.
At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.
Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He sveered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but he was stuck.
“Go to the road and get help,” he said. “I don’t have anything to cover myself with!” she replied.
The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes.
“You’ll have to put this between your legs to cover it up,” he told her.
So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.
Along came a truck driver.
Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.
“My boyfriend! My boyfriend!” she sobs, “He’s stuck and I can’t pull him out!”
The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies: “Ma’am, if he’s in that far, I’m afraid he’s a goner!”
From: www.onlyfunnystories.com
Posted in Funny Story, Story for Adult, Varta | Tagged: Acceptance, Act, Adult, Advice, Affection, Alert, Choice, Confusion, Existance, Eye, Help, Humour, Idiot, Problem, Story for Adult, Think, Varta, Wisdom, Woman | Leave a Comment »
Posted by kathavarta on October 11, 2008
One weekend a lawyer from New York decided to go bird hunting in Vermont. The lawyer drove to Vermont and found a good hunting spot near a farm. The lawyer sees a bird, shoots it and watches fall to the ground on the other side of the barns fence.
The lawyer, thinking to himself that’s my bird I have to go get it, climbs the fence retrieves the bird and climbs back.
Just as he gets back over the farmer comes up to him and says, “give me my bird.”
The lawyer says to him” your bird no no no I shot this bird it is mine.”
“No” says the farmer,”it landed on my property it is mine.”
“Look” says the lawyer, “I am a lawyer, I will sue you, you will lose and I will get the duck.”
“No” says the farmer, “that’s not how we do it here in Vermont, we use the three kick rule.”
“Ok” says the lawyer, how does that work?”
“I kick you three times as hard as I can, than you kick me as hard as you an three time and we keep going until one of us gives up.”
“Fine” says the lawyer, “let’s go.” “I’ll go first” says the famer.
So the famer kicks layer as hard as he can in the groin.
And just as lawyer is bent over in pain the famer kicks him right in the face. now just as the lawyer is thinking what did I get myself into the farmer kicks him in the stomach.
after the lawyer gets over the agonizing pain he says ok now it’s my turn. No the farmer says, “I quit you can have the duck.”
From: www.onlyfunnystories.com
Posted in Funny Story, Story for Adult, Varta | Tagged: Acceptance, Accuracy, Act, Adult, Advice, Affection, Alert, Choice, Clever, Counsel, Cunning, Education, Humour, Hunt, Justice, Problem, Story for Adult, Varta, Wisdom, Wit | Leave a Comment »
Posted by kathavarta on October 11, 2008
Two blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough in to the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into t heir magazines, secure in the knowledge that the pl ane is in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,”ya know, Bob, one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and we’re all gonna die.”
From: www.onlyfunnystories.com
Posted in Funny Story, Varta | Tagged: Accuracy, Act, Adult, Advice, Alert, Blind, Confidence, Confusion, Doubt, Experience, Fear, Humour, Life, Perfection, Pilot, Pretend, Story for Adult, Varta, Vision, Wisdom | Leave a Comment »
Posted by kathavarta on October 11, 2008
There was a man who one day didnt feel like going to church so he decided to go hunting instead.
He was out in the bush when he was aproched from behind by a bear. He dropped his gun by accident but didnt bother to pick it up.
He ran for his life. Weaving in and out the trees with the bear on his trail. Curving around a tree he triped over its root.
He looked up and the bear looked down. The bear was about to strike at him. He put his hands together and prayed:
“Dear lord, Please let this bear be a christian.”
the bear sat down on its bum and held the mans hands, closed his eyes and said: “Dear lord, Thankyou for the food that i am about to recieve”
From: www.onlyfunnystories.com
Posted in Funny Story, Story for Adult, Varta | Tagged: Acceptance, Act, Adult, Advice, Affection, Alert, Bear, Choice, Christian, Clever, Existance, Humour, Hunt, Life, Mind, Prayer, Sad, Story for Adult, Tragedy, Varta, Wisdom | Leave a Comment »
Posted by kathavarta on October 11, 2008
Two men are walking their dogs (a doberman and a chihuahua) when they say to each other “I’m thirsty.” They see a nearby bar and walk up to it.
Unfortunately, there was a sign on the door that said NO DOGS. They thought for awhile to try to figure out what they should do with no luck. Suddenly, the man with the doberman said, “I have an idea! Do what I do.”
The man put on his sunglasses, walked up to the door and tried to get in but a big muscular man stopped him. “Where do you think you’re going?” asked the big man. “This is my seeing-eye dog.” said the man hoping for good feedback. “Alrighty mister, go right in.” said the big man. The doberman man walked in.
The second man slipped his sunglasses on and did the same as the first man. “Where are you going?” asked the big man. “I’m going into the bar, this is my seeing-eye dog.” he said. “A chihuahua?” asked the big man with suspicion. The other man, playing his part yelled, “They gave me a chihuahua!?”
From: www.onlyfunnystories.com
Posted in Funny Story, Story for Adult, Varta | Tagged: Accuracy, Act, Adult, Affection, Alert, Blind, Challenge, Clever, Dog, Experience, Eye, Humour, Idiot, Lie, Mercy, Mind, Pretend, Reality, Story for Adult, Think, Varta, Wisdom, Wit | Leave a Comment »
Posted by kathavarta on October 11, 2008
3 men are stranded in the middle of the Canadian Forest and they don’t know where they are at. They decide that they have to find some food. So the first man leaves and tells the other 2 that he is going to get some food.
Several Hours later, he comes back with a deer over his shoulder. The other 2 are amazed and ask him how he got a deer with no weopans. He replies, ” I find tracks, i follow tracks, i get deer”. They both are slightly confused but let it go.
1 week later, they have eaten the deer, so they need to get more food. The second guy leaves and says that he is going to get food. He comes back a couple hours later with a elk over his shoulder. The other 2 ask how he got the elk. He simply replies, “I find tracks, i follow tracks, i get Elk”.
5 days later, they have eaten the elk, so they need more food. The third guy, feeling very cocky, thinks to himslef, ” This is going to be a piece of cake. The other guys got the other animals so easy. I’m going to get an animal better than their’s put together!”. So he leaves to get some food. They wait a couple hours… he doesn’t come back. They wait another couple hours, he is still missing.
Finally, after 9 hours of waiting, they see him coming back. His clothes are torn rags, he is covered in dirt with scrapes and bruises all over his body. He is bleeding from different gashes in his arms and legs along with one on the side of head. They ask, ” What happened!”. He looks at them, wide-eyed and confused, and replies, ” I find tracks, I follow tracks, i get hit my train”.
From: www.onlyfunnystories.com
Posted in Funny Story, Story for Adult, Varta | Tagged: Accuracy, Act, Adult, Advice, Alert, Attitude, Choice, Clever, Common sense, Counsel, Decision, Enlightenment, Experience, Foolish, Humour, Idiot, Mind, Story for Adult, Think, Varta, Wisdom | Leave a Comment »
