Archive for October 15th, 2008
Posted by kathavarta on October 15, 2008
A very depressed looking customer goes into a bar and declares, “Bartender, please help me. I can’t take this anymore.”
The bartender pours him a stiff drink and asks, “What’s bothering you sir?”
“Well, bartender, I’m 30 years old and I am having no luck finding love. No matter what I do, I only manage to frighten women away.”
“Don’t worry, sir, your problem is not serious. I see it everyday working here. All you have to do is to develop a stronger sense of self-esteem. To do that you must go to your bathroom mirror every morning right after you wake up. Look at your reflection in there and say to yourself, “I am a good guy, a fun guy, and an attractive guy”. If you say this with absolute certainty and confidence, in just one week women will love you and begin flocking to your side.”
The man is happy with this assessment and leaves the bar after paying his tab eager to try out the bartender?s advice and find love. Three weeks later, however, he goes back to the same bar looking every bit as depressed as before.
“What?s the matter, sir, wasn?t my advice effective?” asks the bartender.
“Oh, it was very effective. During the past three weeks I’ve had some of the best times in my life with the most attractive women I?ve ever met.”
“I don’t understand. What’s your problem then?”
“Oh, I don’t have a problem anymore,” the man says. “My wife’s the one with the problem now.”
From: www.onlyfunnystories.com
Posted in Funny Story, Moral story, Story for Adult, Varta | Tagged: Accuracy, Act, Advice, Alert, Complaint, Confidence, Confusion, Counsel, Education, Enlightenment, Humour, Idea, Lesson, Love, Problem, Solution, Story for Adult, Truth, Varta, Wife, Wisdom, Wit | Leave a Comment »
Posted by kathavarta on October 15, 2008
While on a luxury cruise, the receptionist received a call from a distressed passenger. “I wish to inform you that there is a faulty electrical appliance in my suite. Could you please send someone over to have it repaired immediately??” asked a lady passenger, clearly upset.
“Certainly, I shall arrange for someone to look into the matter immediately. Which electrical appliance would that be??” asked the concierge.
“It’s the microwave. I’ve been trying to warm up some supper for myself but the microwave wouldn’t start?”, replied the passenger.
“The microwave, Madam??” repeated the bewildered receptionist. “Yes, the microwave. You know, the heating device that is installed in the wardrobe?”, replied the passenger sarcastically. “I’ve been trying for the past hour but my supper is still cold?”
Upon arriving at the suite, the receptionist found the lady passenger standing in front of the wardrobe, pressing vigorously at the control panel of the safe deposit box installed in the wardrobe. “Let me show you how what I have been trying. I key in the number of minutes here, but I don’t really know which one is the start button…?”
(By the way, this is original story told by a Captain of a cruise liner.)
From: www.onlyfunnystories.com
Posted in Funny Story, Story for Adult, Varta | Tagged: Accuracy, Act, Anger, Common sense, Complaint, Confusion, Cook, Counsel, Cruise ship, Experience, Foolish, Help, Humour, Idiot, Knowledge, Microwave oven, Mind, Problem, Reality, Story for Adult, Stupid, Varta, Wisdom | Leave a Comment »
Posted by kathavarta on October 15, 2008
“Hello? Is this the technical support hotline?”
“Yes, this is Carl speaking. How may I help you today?”
“I think my diskettes are faulty. I keep getting the error message bad or invalid disk operation”
“I can help you, but I will need a copy of your defective diskettes to help me diagnose the problem. Could you send a copy to our customer care centre?”
A few days later, a package arrived for Carl from the customer. The package contained several photocopied pages, they were copies of the diskettes.
From: www.onlyfunnystories.com
Posted in Funny Story, Story for Adult, Varta | Tagged: Accuracy, Act, Clever, Common sense, Complaint, Confusion, Copy, Education, Fault, Foolish, Humour, Knowledge, Mind, Problem, Story for Adult, Stupid, Think, Varta, Wisdom | Leave a Comment »
Posted by kathavarta on October 15, 2008
When our daughter was five years old we were living in an apartment with only one bathroom. One day as I was finishing my bath she had to go potty – now!
As I was toweling off she sat on the potty and I could tellthat she was trying to figure out something.
Finally she asked me that fateful question: “Daddy, mommies and daddies are different, aren’t they?”
I decided to handle it in a straightforward manner and answered, “Yes Joy, they are.” She got a really proud expression and boasted, “I knew that already cause mommies shave their legs and daddies shave their faces”.
We didn’t get back to that particular subject for several more years!
From: www.onlyfunnystories.com
Posted in Funny Story, Moral story, Story for Adult, Varta | Tagged: Advice, Attitude, Common sense, Confusion, Decision, Difference, different, Education, Emptiness, Existance, Humour, Knowledge, Man, Reality, Smile, Solution, Stupid, Think, Varta, Wisdom, Wit, Woman | Leave a Comment »
Posted by kathavarta on October 15, 2008
A policeman had a perfect hiding place to screen speeding drivers. But one day, everyone was under the speed limit, the officer investigated : a 9 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand-painted sign which said “SPEED CAMERA AHEAD.”
A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s partner in crime, another boy about 200 meters beyond the speed camera with a sign reading “TIPS” & a bucket at his feet full of coins.
From: www.onlyfunnystories.com
Posted in Funny Story, Story for Adult, Varta | Tagged: Accuracy, Advice, Alert, Business, Catch, Children, Clever, Counsel, Courage, Experience, Humour, Knowledge, Mind, Plan, Richness, Story for Adult, Trick, Varta, Way, Wisdom, Young | 1 Comment »
Posted by kathavarta on October 15, 2008
Scene: A courtroom where a witness is testifying in a case involving a man biting off the ear of another man during a fight. After supplying testimony which was very bad for the defendant, the witness was being cross examined by the defendant’s attorney.
Attorney: You said that you saw the defendant and the claimant in a fight?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: You then said that you were concerned for your safety and that, because of it, you went to hide behind the bushes ?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: You further stated that during this time in hiding, you turned your back to the scene?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And THEN you testified that that was when the defendant bit off the claimant’s ear??!!
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: Okay so if your back was turned to the fight then you obviously MUST have had the claimant and the defendant out of your field of vision, correct?
Witness: Yes, correct.
Attorney: Well then, did you SEE the defendant bite off the claimant’s ear?
Witness: No.
Attorney: (Smugly) THEN HOW DO YOU “KNOW” THAT THE DEFENDANT BIT OFF THE EAR OF THE CLAIMANT IF YOU DID NOT SEE HIM DO IT??!!
Witness: I saw him spit it out.
(Dead Silence)
Attorney: No more questions.
From: www.onlyfunnystories.com
Posted in Children story, Funny Story, Story for Adult, Varta | Tagged: Acceptance, Accuracy, Adult, Alert, Attorney, Common sense, Complaint, Confidence, Counsel, Court, Criminal, Decision, Emptiness, Humour, Justice, Lie, Story for Adult, Truth, Varta, Wisdom, Witness | Leave a Comment »
